I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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