The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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