Screwed.edu
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize