respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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