His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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