Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Oh god it's open bar.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
