were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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