My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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