I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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