Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
