The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
