I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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