dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
