I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
