He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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