Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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