the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
