FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
