I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
