she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
its liver damage thursday
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
