I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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