Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
