and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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