Where did you get a picture of my penis
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think a kid would responsible me up
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm too high and old for this...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
