I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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