once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
