You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
