Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
