i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
