Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
