Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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