i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
