After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
please come you make the beer taste better
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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