My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
