I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
