On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
