you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
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he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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