dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
