I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
