Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
