If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
