Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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