I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
