dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
