The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What a dumb baby whore.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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