i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
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his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
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Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize