...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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