he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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