Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
