I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
