im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This baby is an asshole
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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