I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
