i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
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Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
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Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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