When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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