I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
