Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
