You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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