1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
