He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Mom said you looked used
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
