wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
