all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
