There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
