tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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