I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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