nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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