1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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