Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
